Haha.. jokes

What’s the difference between a hitchhiker and a prostitute? One wants a ride, the other wants to ride you.

♥ Diary of a Teen

To My Love...

            You once said, “You’re going to fall in love with me.” Well, that implies that I haven’t yet. Cause trust me, I already have. I love how you’re indecisive, yet so ambitious. I love how you’re full of yourself, but it’s so sexy. I love your fluffy hair, and how sometimes you can’t match your tie to your shirt to save your life. I love how, even though you know how to push my buttons, you’ll always be there for me. I love how you make me feel. I love your laugh, and your silly faces, and that anxious smile that you get. But most of all, I love how you’re my best friend, and my other half.

 

♥ Diary of a Teen

Pet Peeve- Word Twisters

            I have many pet peeves in life, but one of the ones that truly pisses me off is when people twist my words. See, I work in retail, and customer service is a huge part of that. Today a customer wanted to try on an item that was on a mannequin, that I knew wasn’t their size. I nicely tried to explain to them that each brand cuts differently, so they might want to try the next size up before trying the size that was on the mannequin. Honestly, I put it as nicely as I possibly could that they were not going to fit into the item that was on the mannequin. However, said customer then proceeded to approach my manager and tell him that I had called them fat. I’m sorry, but when in hell did I call you fat?! NEVER! I’m all about positive self image and there’s no way I would every call anyone fat, ever. What truly angered me about this situation was that I did not insult, downgrade, or diminish this customer in any way, shape, or form. Yet they still feel like it’s okay to tell my manager that I’m doing so. I’m sorry, but when did it become okay to lie and twist words just for your own benefit. Umm, it didn’t!

♥ Diary of a Teen

5 Signs That I Am So Over College Break

1. I shower multiple times per day. Under usual circumstances, I’m not a huge, huge fan of showering, and I’ll shower once every day or two. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve literally been showering two or three times per day just to pass the time.

2. I sleep past noon. Like all college kids, I love my sleep. However, my natural clock generally wakes me up no later than 11:30 am, and I’ve caught myself sleeping past noon several times.

3. I look forward to going to work. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. But when I’m anxiously waiting being able to leave for work, you know I need a life.

4. I eat way too much. As with most people, I love food. But I’m also a boredom eater, and I’ve begun eating more than three meals per day (even when I wake up after noon).

5. I’m counting down the days until I can go back.

♥ Diary of a Teen

This Quote Explains So Much

“…intimacy grows with comfort and that comfort grows with time.”

            Oh my god, this is the most accurate thing I have read in a while. Accurate in the way that the moment I read it, something clicked. It’s like that little something that’s been missing just fell into place. I’m comfortable with my body, and I’m comfortable with my sexuality; but sometimes things just get awkward, or I get nervous, or something like that.

            It’s obvious to me that I’m most sexually open with the person I’m most comfortable with. But even he still doesn’t quite know why I’m not 100% open. This statement seems to perfectly explain why that is. I’ve only known him for about a year and a half. To be completely open with someone in that short amount of time would be a miracle. But as time went on, I’ve become more comfortable, and therefore, more open.

            As time continues to go on, I know I’ll become more comfortable; and I am positive our intimacy will grow. Props to this statement for literally explaining my thoughts.

 

♥ Diary of a Teen

Pet Peeve- Moviegoers

            Pet peeve: people who use their phones during the movies. I have literally seen people texting, tweeting, browsing, and even talking on their phones while the movie is going on! It astounds me that people can be so attached to their phones that they can’t set them aside for two hours. And if you absolutely must use your phone, can’t you leave the theater; or at the very least, turn your sound off! Enough with the binging, and flashing, and disruption. Have some respect people.

♥ Diary of a Teen

Strange Sleeping Habits

            Lord help me, I’m a strange sleeper. So I got an electric blanket for Christmas- a small victory in the struggle that my room is the coldest room in the house. Naturally, being cold blooded, I wear two pairs of sweat pants, UGGs, and a hoodie around the house.

            So I fell asleep last night in leggings, fuzzy socks, and a hoodie, under my electric blanket and a comforter. I remember struggling with my blanket during the night- it kept riding up and my feet were cold. Then at one point it was completely off, and I was only under my comforter. I remember unplugging the blanket, and wiggling it back on top of me. Then I wake up a few hours later and I no longer have a hoodie on, just a sports bra. Like what even happened last night?

♥ Diary of a Teen

45 Things To-Do Before You Graduate High School

1. Do a sport

2. Join a club

3. Take an honors class 

4. Make a best friend

5. Date someone

6. Break up with someone

7. Get accepted to college

8. Go to a rager

9. Skip class

10. Get your license

11. Go to prom

12. Go to a concert

13. Lose a best friend

14. Volunteer

15. Make an enemy

16. Go on an after school adventure

17. Sneak into a rated R movie

18. Get a job

19. Make an inside joke

20. Participate in spirit week

21. Use all of your senior privileges

22. Go to a Friday night football game

23. Get your heart broken

24. Change your look

25. Surprise someone

26. Get detention

27. Go in every room in the school

28. Go on vacation with your friends

29. Pull an all-nighter

30. Break curfew

31. Make the honor roll

32. Stay home alone over night

33. Break the law

34. Drive to school

35. Play hooky

36. Convince your teacher to postpone a due date, have class outside, etc.

37. Do something new by yourself- go grocery shopping, go to the doctors, etc.

38. Go on a date

39. Prank someone

40. Be a part of a food fight

41. Try not to procrastinate

42. Get an award

43. Set goals

44. Take lots of pictures

45. Make an impact

♥ Diary of a Teen

Letter to my Ex

Dear Ex,

            I really don’t know how your life is now. And to be honest, I kind of don’t care. Yes, I still have those little treasures and keepsakes of the memories that we shared, but they don’t really have any significance in my life. They just sit there in the corner, waiting to be loved. That probably won’t ever happen. No, you’re never getting your sweatshirt back. Yes, it’s sitting at the bottom of the pile. Don’t worry, it’s probably wrinkled.

            There’s really only one thing I have to say to you- “I don’t understand how we can be the way we were, then just shut it all off.” Yeah, I’d consider our breakup “sudden”. I mean, in a way I saw it coming; you had become distant, and the signs were there and all. But I didn’t think you were heartless enough to do it the way you did. When I was on Cloud 9, you just had to tear me off. I really tried not to think of you as an asshole, but that’s what you truly ended up as.

            I let you in because you truly cared about me. Honestly, you loved me more than I loved you. But your quirkiness and cute charm grew on me. Or else I never would have dated you in the first place. How did you go from caring about me more than I could have imagined, to breaking my heart in the worst way possible?

            No, I’m not mad at you because we broke up. I’m mad at you because you just had to do it then, didn’t you? I’m mad at you because you let people turn on me. I’m mad at you because you didn’t have an ounce of decency to look me in the eye and give me a real reason. I’m mad at you for ruining one of the best friendships I’ve ever had. But I get it, you’re a teenage guy. You’re dumb, and I’ll never forget that.

            I don’t regret dating you. I don’t regret having such a good friendship- well, while it lasted. Though you’ve put me through so much, you’ve reminded me to live without regrets. The happy times that we shared together outweigh the heartbreak and sadness that I went through. I’m just glad I never told you I loved you.

 

♥ Diary of a Teen

 

Asshole Drivers

Dear Assholes,

 

            If there’s multiple signs that say “right lane closed ahead”, “merge left”, or something of the like, why the hell would you keep driving in the right lane? Yes, I understand you’re a self-centered, conceited, jerk who just wants to get to your own destination as fast as possible. But let’s think this out; if you just ride the closed lane as long as possible then just cut in, you’re only slowing everyone down! On top of that, if you think you’re entitled to cut in at the last minute, think again. If you have your blinker on, I’ll probably let you in. If you are driving like a jerk, no way in hell am I letting you in. Sucks for you.

 

Sincerely,

The Nice Driver

 

 

♥ Diary of a Teen