Let's Get This Off My Chest

So, umm, I kinda made out with my best friend. When people say it kind of just happened, well that’s what happened. I mean I guess I knew it was gonna happen, but then again it kinda just happened. Usually I’m the person that has to tell at least someone so I’m like itching about keeping this a secret (it was just kind of mutually decided to do so). All good now that that’s off my chest.

♥ Diary of a Teen

General Thoughts- Christmas Socks

Everyone always thinks it’s weird when I tell them that I only wear christmas socks with my Uggs. (I guess it’s a weird conversation if you’re talking about that anyways). But there’s logic behind it. I can’t wear ankle socks because they wiggle off my feet in my boots. And they really don’t make high enough socks that come in cute, normal patterns. So what I’m left with is wearing christmas socks evrytime I wear my uggs. (or, ocassionally, knee socks)

♥ Diary of a Teen

Redo- Junior Ring Dance

I want a redo. I want a night were I can actually enjoy myself. I’m going back to junior ring dance. I can’t say that my junior ring dance was terrible, or unenjoyable; but it definitely wasn’t great. So this year, I want to go again. No, it won’t be awkward-- a lot of my friends are juniors and would love for me to come. I just need to be someone’s “date” to be able to go. I have a safety date, so I’m set if I need to be. But why does this sound like such an evil plan to everyone else? I want to have fun. I want to enjoy myself and my friends. I want to dress up . Why is that so bad?

♥ Diary of a Teen

Morning Thoughts- More Sleeping Habits

How the hell am I suppose to get the recommended 8-10 hours of sleep each night? Really. Number one- I’m a night owl, not a morning person; I have too much energy to go to sleep at night, and I hate getting up in the morning. Number two- I do too many things to have time to have good grades, a social life, and sleep. On average I’d say I get 6 and a half hours of sleep each night (11:30-6:00). Might sound crazy, but for me, 6:00 on a school day is a luxury. We start at 7:20 and when I took the bus it came at 6:15. To get 8-10 hours of sleep, getting up at 6 am, I’d have to go to sleep between 8:00 and 10:00. What high schooler goes to bed before 10:00??

♥ Diary of a Teen

General Thoughts- Drunk People

I hate drunk people. With a passion. Yeah, I’ll admit, some drunk people are kinda funny and whatnot. But really, take someone who’s obnoxious to start with and add alcohol; big mistake. I’m just putting this out there as a general thought; especially with high school making everyone think that getting drunk is so cool.

♥ Diary of a Teen

Conceited in a Good Way- I Handle Shit Pretty Well

I handle shit pretty well. Sometimes I question that, but then I think about how most people would handle the things that I go through, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I handle shit pretty well. I think my ability to cope is a blessing. Being able to deal with my own problems helps me when my friends need my help with their problems.

I can’t fathom how people decide to do some of the things that they do. My friends, and the people around me, do some drastic things. They cut themselves, they drink a lot, they stand on the verge of suicide. I couldn’t bear doing any of that to myself. Though sometimes I can’t wrap my mind around why they do these things, I know that I need to be there for them when they need me most.

Moral support is the most I can lend. Not only do I handle my own shit well, but I can help them through their shit pretty well too. I like to know that I can be the person that’s always there for them. Yes, I have friends that cut themselves. Yes, I’ve been in the moment where a friend is on the verge of suicide. But I’ve gotten through them. It kills me to know that I can’t change their mindset of not being good enough. If I could I’d do anything for these people that mean so much to me.

I could never imagine harming myself to cope with all the shit that I go through; and trust me, I go through a lot sometimes. But I can handle shit well, and if this helps others get through their shit too, I can only hope that I’m helping them as much as I can.

♥ Diary of a Teen

Party Stories- Soccer Dance

I’m a pretty good teenager. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs, I don’t go around having sex. But I do love a good party. So let’s have mini story time about what happened last night.

Last night there was a fundraiser dance for the boy’s soccer team. Some of my friends are on the team so I was really excited to go. Turns out I kinda had plans already so I didn’t plan on going. But the dance ended at 10 and I got home at 8:45 so I figured I’d go for an hour. I literally got home, changed my shirt and shoes, and left.

So I show up, hair all done up from earlier in the day. And what else do you do at a dance but dance? (Teenagers you know what I mean my “dance” here) Of course my hair has to just get in the way of this and be super awkward. So I got a hairtie to tie it up. Bing, bang, all good; the rest of the night was great.

Fast forward to today when I went to go wash all the hairspray out of my hair. I come along the random girl’s hairtie. Oops. So I have no idea who’s it is. Oh well, nothing serious but definitely a little awkward.

♥ Diary of a Teen

College Stress

College stresses me out! Where do you want to go? What do you want to major in? Do you qualify for financial aid or not? I don’t know! I’m a senior in high school now, so I guess the pressure’s on. But I’ve got a few things holding me back.

Problem A: I have absolutely no idea what I’d like to do for a career. Accordingly, I’m not sure what I’d like to major in. This all leads us to Problem B: I have no idea where I’d like to go to college. Seeing that I have to apply to colleges in the next few months, this is sort of a big issue. Mini problem to go with this: I’m not a fan of living with random people. So pretty much, dorm rooms scare me. I don’t refuse to consider them, they just scare me.

So with all this, plus applications and essays and scholarships (oh my), I’m stressed out. Why are these decisions not obvious in my life?

♥ Diary of a Teen

Sick Days

I’m sick, yuck! I have a mix of allergies, a cold, and who knows what. Thank you public schools and Rash Hashanah for giving me the day off; but I really don’t have time to get sick. Gahhh I hate it. On the bright side, I did sleep for 11 hours last night. On the down side I can’t really breath, I’ve gone through who knows how many tissues, and 3 tubes of chapstick. I’ve gotta push through and try to go to school this week, but we’ll see how long that lasts.

♥ Diary of a Teen

Best Friend Breakups

I went through a bad breakup recently-- one with my best friend. We’ve gotten in fights before, but I really think this is the end of it. There’s been plenty of things for me to get angry at her for, but I always tried to remember that I had to push through to keep the friendship going. But it’s just that, I always felt like it was me keeping it going. If she was generally angry, she’d take it out on me. Sometimes it felt like she just wanted to be mad at someone so she’d come up with an excuse to be mad at me. She’d blame for hell knows what and expect me to apologize for something I never did, just to force the friendship to keep going.

Most recently, her and another friend started dating. While her boyfriend was on vacation, she started falling for another guy. Yes, this happens to people semi-often, but she really did handle it terribly. (little back note here, she has major trust issues) Supposedly she’d heard a rumor about said boyfriend while he was gone that he was only dating her to see how far he could get with her. Well I’m really good friends with him, and I can promise you that was not his intention. Ever. So she accused him, and said she can’t date him she’d rather be friends. Actually she said, “we should take a break.” She’s said that in relationships before, and it screwed her over big time. And I warned her.

What bothers me most about this whole situation is that she had essentially dropped current boyfriend for a new guy before anyone could even tell him. So when he was blindsided with a break up, I sympathized with him. But me sympathizing was seen as “choosing sides” in her mind. I wasn’t “choosing sides,” I was clearly stating the issues being presented by both sides-- 99.9% of the issues in the situation were caused by her.

Yet she always finds a way to blame me. Every single thing is my fault. She just finds a reason to be angry and pissed at me. And when she gets pissed, she doesn’t want to talk about it. She gets angry at you, talks about you behind your back, and expects you to know what she’s thinking. Yes, I understand that I was more biased towards my guy friend, but in the end I just want her to be happy with her decisions.

So I hope she’s happy she’s lost her best friend. I know that I have great friends to fall back on, and that I’ll be okay through it all. And I hope she’s happy with her new boyfriend-- the one she thought she was hiding from me for so long. I knew what was going on all along, and I knew she was lying to me. I’d rather lose a lying friend that force keeping a “friendship” going.

♥ Diary of a Teen

Morning Thoughts- Sleeping Habits

      

        So basically I like to sleep with a little chill in the room. Fan on, window open, an under the covers. It’s just really cozy to wrap up to keep warm. But of course, this decision comes around to bite me in the ass in the morning. I wake up and I’m FREEZING! Well, welcome to fall in New England. The negative of this situation- I hate getting up in the morning more than I usually do. The positive- It’s getting closer to UGG season. (Just moccasins for now)

♥ Diary of a Teen

The Question of being Wanted

As confident as I can be, sometimes I still worry that people only pretend to like me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I have haters. But of my “friends” how many of them really like being around me? Sometimes I just feel like I’m bothering people. I’m a clingy texter. Most of the time I keep a text conversation going because I really just like talking to people. I feel like I’m always texting first, or I’m texting the same people often because I just need to feel wanted. Constant contact with people is the only thing that assures me that I’m never alone. I really hate feeling like I’m clinging to people; but I hate more to feel like I’m unloved and unwanted by the majority of people.

♥ Diary of a Teen