Preface: Here
lies the story of my de-virgin-izing experience…
Teenagers;
horny, sexual beings, that are continuously exploring and learning about
themselves and their sexuality. The pressure to run the bases, and walk the
thin line of not being sheltered, but not being a “slut”, seems to constantly
taunt the teenage mind. IT IS NOT OKAY TO JUDGE PEOPLE FOR THEIR SEXUAL
VENTURES. You do you, and let them do them.
For me, I was
constantly nervous of what could go wrong when it finally happened. Health class
created paranoia within me, and horror stories made my stomach churn. Ripping hymens,
blood, pain, and discomfort just lurked within the distance. What if I couldn’t
handle it? What if something went wrong?
On the
other hand, I was ready for it to happen. I wasn’t jumping the gun and putting it
out for any passerby. But I was ready for it to happen whenever it was truly
time. I was comfortable with where I was at sexually; I understood my likes,
wants, and needs.
Insert boyfriend.
For us to finally commit to each other as a couple had taken a while- almost 2
years to be exact- but he had always been there. He was my first actual kiss,
way back when. The hookups were real throughout the years, and for him to be my
first meant something to me. He was my first, and I was his.
We went
into this whole sexual process together. Not knowing exactly what to expect; hoping
for the best, and understanding that it could be worse. But we’ve also been exploring
and learning together for a while. I learn about him, and he learns about me.
And, in turn, we have each learned more about ourselves- both emotionally and
sexually.
The process
of it happening was by far one of the most clichéd college experiences to ever happen
in my life. Two people, under the covers, on an extra long twin bed, in a dorm
room, hoping that no one walks in. The question of “do you want to do this?” The
fumbling with the condom, and making sure you’re lining everything up in the
right place. So much had run through my mind in the course of just about 40
seconds leading up to it.
But then it
happened. It wasn’t at all what I expected. It wasn’t bloody, or painful, or off-putting.
Instead, it was surprising, and passionate, and enjoyable. No, it wasn’t
perfect. But it was all of the good things that they talk it up to be. It was a
satisfaction both emotionally and sexually. It is something we will work on, but
always in a positive way.
In the end,
I didn’t feel like I’d lost my
virginity. Instead, I felt more as though I had just tried something new for
the first time. I didn’t lose anything- dignity, self-worth, or trust. But
rather, I moved forward in my sexual journey, we took a major stepping stone in
our relationship. I feel like this should change things, but it doesn’t, and it
just feels like everything is flowing so right.
♥ Diary of a Teen
